Animal Style Tears

In the last week, I have almost had a fatal car accident, come down with a paralyzing virus and been itchier in more places on my body than I knew were available to itch. But I think I’ll save those stories for next time.

For now, let me give a brief summary of my first two weeks here, for those of you who read to keep up with my life rather than just to listen to me rant and tell stories that usually end with me being unhappy. Since arriving in San Francisco, I have:

• Discovered a delicious new easy-to-make meal that consists of eggs, tomatoes, oil, vinegar and other goodies.

• Gone to a drive-in with my friend Matt to see Frozen. Going to a drive-in with a dude was the best thing I’ve done to prove I’m confortable with my heterosexuality and how I identify masculinity since:

Wearing this Band-Aid.

Dressing like this cat.

Posing like this.

• Accidentally locked myself out of my uncle’s house twice, the second of which time I jury-rigged and scaled a small cooler stacked on top of a large cooler stacked on top of a small metal table designed to hold a single flower pot stacked on top of a large table not designed to hold any of those things in order to climb to a balcony and enter the house through an unlocked door on the second floor because I’m fucking Tarzan King of the Jungle.

• Gone to a comedy show in San Francisco, where I was called out three times: for being the only self-identified Jew in the audience; for being the only self-identified Floridian in the audience; for having the only comedian-identified male voice that screamed like a female voice in the audience.

• Tried to speak Italian with an Italian man who is visiting my uncle and been rejected repeatedly before calling him out on it. He now won’t speak to me in English.

• Hiked Angel Island with some friends from Dartmouth, only to be stranded there for three hours afterward because of a misinterpreted ferry schedule.

• Eaten at In-N-Out Burger for the first time ever.

• Regretted eating at In-N-Out Burger for the first time ever that same night.

• Watched the first six episodes of Freaks and Geeks and cried four times, the movie In a World… and cried twice and a four-minute video of a newswoman talking about bullying and cried once. The last time I cried at piece of entertainment was Monsters, Inc. more than ten years ago. My twenties are gonna be rough.

• Been invited to dinner with the incredible families of two of my very good friends, proving twice again that it really does make you appreciate your friends more when you know where they came from (thanks again, Shells and Ritters).

Also, I’ve decided to embrace the Millenial mindset and keep my entries short. You don’t have all day, and I want to give the appearance that I’m posting more content. It works out for everyone.



I’ll have a double double with animal style fries,


Luke